A personal reflection on mindset, growth, and learning to let go of perfection
The all or nothing mindset sounds noble, but perfectionism can quietly sabotage progress. If you’ve ever felt stuck between doing things ‘right’ or not at all, you’re not alone.
Like many of us, perfection is something I have always strived for. Growing up, if I couldn’t do something right, I wouldn’t do it at all. The most important thing for me was never letting anyone see me make a mistake. I did not understand that there could be value in making mistakes; I viewed them as embarrassing and something to avoid at all costs. Living in the digital era did not make this easier. There are too many opportunities to compare yourself to others who seem to be doing everything right.
It wasn’t until I began studying wellness and working in this space, and reading about the “all or nothing” mindset, that I learned I was chronically obsessed with chasing perfection.
Recognizing the All or Nothing Mindset
The all or nothing mindset is a type of cognitive distortion in which a person thinks in absolutes: either you fully reach your goal, or you’re a failure. It’s commonly seen in self-proclaimed perfectionists.
In my experience, this kind of thinking showed up whenever I had goals to achieve, whether academic, personal, or health-related. I strived to do everything perfectly, even if it was my first time trying it. Quite a high standard to hold myself to, and as you can imagine, it led to a lot of frustration when that expectation wasn’t met!
Thankfully, I can now say that I’ve freed myself from the perfectionist, all or nothing mindset. I’d like to share some lessons I’ve learned along the way, in the hopes they’ll help others struggling with perfectionism.
Start Small, Stay Steady
When trying to build a new habit, take baby steps. Don’t attempt to change everything all at once. While small changes may not seem significant in the moment, they’re the building blocks of lasting change. Celebrate the small wins too, not just the big victories. Every step forward is worth acknowledging.
Mistakes Are Lessons in Disguise
There’s great value in making mistakes and falling short of your goals. That value is what you learn from the experience. Make it a point to acknowledge these moments and take something from each that will help you grow.
Comparison Is the Thief of Joy
Everyone is on their own journey. Focus on yours and give yourself the tools to be successful. Don’t worry about what others are doing or not doing. Your experience is unique.
Shifting Takes Time, but Awareness Is the First Step
Overcoming the all or nothing mindset isn’t easy, but being self-aware is a powerful start. Take note of this thought pattern when it shows up, and practice shifting to a more balanced mindset.
This is exactly the kind of mindset shift Avidon helps people make letting go of perfection and focusing on progress.
Frequently Asked Questions
Common questions about the all or nothing mindset and how to start moving past it.
What is the all or nothing mindset? +
The all or nothing mindset is a type of cognitive distortion where you see things in absolutes. Either you do something perfectly, or you've failed. It shows up a lot in perfectionists and can quietly get in the way of real progress, whether you're working toward a health goal, a personal goal, or anything in between.
How do I know if I have an all or nothing mindset? +
A good sign is if you find yourself avoiding things you're not sure you can do perfectly, or giving up entirely the moment something doesn't go according to plan. If mistakes feel more like something to hide than something to learn from, that's often the all or nothing mindset at work.
Can you really break the perfectionist mindset, or is it just how some people are wired? +
You really can shift it, but it takes time and self-awareness. The first step is simply noticing when that black and white thinking shows up. From there, small consistent changes tend to do more than any dramatic overhaul. Progress over perfection is genuinely how lasting change happens.
What's the best way to start letting go of perfectionism? +
Start smaller than you think you need to. Small steps feel underwhelming in the moment, but they're what actually stick. And when you make a mistake, try to get curious about it instead of embarrassed by it. There's almost always something worth learning there.
